dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
