we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My dick has a subreddit
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
