I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
