You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
