if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
