Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
