I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I checked into jail on foursquare
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
