Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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