I smell stomach acid.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
