one two three fourrrrnication!
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize