I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
