Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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