Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
