You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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