Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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