I like my sex mixed with concussions.
her vagine was all disorganized.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
