This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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