Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
