happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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