I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
