Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
