my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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