Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
