Grow some girl-balls and come out already
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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