man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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