Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
