no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
