Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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