I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
