He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
