Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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