Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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