When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
