Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
