spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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