don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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