Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize