No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
