yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
