I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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