If i come over, it means nothing
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
