I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize