please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
