He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
