There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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