Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
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