On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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