It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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