Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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