he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
