Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
