It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
