I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
