Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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