the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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