I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
