I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
