I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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