So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
