I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
