mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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