Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
