I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just pynch a tree in the face
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
