I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
