i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
