Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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