I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
