just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
