I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
