Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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