Don't you send me to vm
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
