Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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